Tag Archives: fandom

tell me, what else should I have done?

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(Please note: there’s some mildly NSFW stuff in here. Not images, just words.)

I think should is a bad word.

My previous therapist and I talked a lot about should. It’s a word I overused and still do. It’s a word I used and use to beat myself up, to make myself feel guilty for not performing to my own standards and frankly to give the perceived standards of others way too much importance in terms of how I live my life. One of the worst things about that last is that often I’m not giving other people enough credit – they aren’t holding me to standards, at least not those. They’re not nearly as hard on me as I am on myself.

Very often the only person making me unhappy is me.

But should won’t go away. And it serves to drive me away from things that I enjoy, that I and other people find fulfilling, that I’m good at. Should tells me that doing those things is worthless and I should be ashamed of doing them, and I should keep it to myself regardless of how much they matter to me.

2015 was an especially bad year for me and should. All kinds of things happened that year that gave me wonderful new opportunities to be an asshole to myself. Probably the most perverse of these is that in 2015, I had the most remarkable writing experience of my life, and while I’ve stumblingly gone into it with individual people, I’ve been too frightened to talk in any seriously public way about it.

Because it’s not what I should write.

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filling holes in the world

by Elizabeth Leggett

by Elizabeth Leggett

Today “Dispatches from a Hole in the World” – my story for Nightmare’s Queers Destroy Horror! issue – went live, so you can read it here. If you want. If you do, fair warning: it’s about suicide, so if that’s a trigger for you, proceed with caution. Mental illness is also in there.

I’ve been writing less in the way of short fiction recently – disappointing, a little, because I love the form – and I think there are a variety of reasons for that, but I think one of them is that the kind of short fiction I write has taken a darker turn, and it’s more difficult to stay in that place for any length of time. It’s more difficult to go there at all. A lot of my fiction has always been dark, but at some point, a little over a year ago and maybe more, I made the decision to finally turn inward and write things with material pulled from some of the rawest and most painful parts of my psyche. The first true result of that was “Singing With All My Skin and Bone”, also published in Nightmare. It was terrifying to write. It was incredibly cathartic. It came very quickly; I finished it in about an hour and it needed very little work afterward.

It was terrifying in part because it’s about dermatillomania, which is a disorder that isn’t much talked about and isn’t well understood – by people who don’t have it; the people who do understand it all too well. It’s an incredibly difficult kind of mental illness to talk about, because it involves compulsive behavior – which we also don’t understand very well – and because it involves self harm in a context we don’t usually see it. I hate and am not playing the Mental Illness Olympics game, but as a culture I think we have an easier time talking about self harm as a result of depression than self harm as a result of literally not being able to stop.

Enjoying it, even. As a kid I found it soothing. Painful but soothing. Still do.

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A happy TWD fandom thing by me

So I wrote this a while ago, but I don’t think I ever posted about it here, and hey, for other fans of The Walking Dead and Beth Greene in these dark times, it might be a balm.

It’s also one of the things I’m most proud of that I’ve recently written, and part of me that wants to be a Serious Author is like THAT’S RIDICULOUS and the part of me that has a soul and enjoys fun is like whatever shut up.

Fic: If the Stars Are Eternal So Are You and I (Beth/Daryl, the funeral home and if things had gone differently).

They still sleep in shifts. When she’s taking hers he roams the house, quiet as he can, and he lingers when he comes back to her, watches her side and back and chest rise and fall with her breathing. Feels creepy. Can’t really help it. This is confusing and a little alarming. Even if he knew what to do about it he’s not sure he would be able to do anything at all.

It’s been a month.

Oh.

You’d think at some point she would have finished that conversation.

And because I love reading aloud, I recorded a downloadable audio version.

 

One more thing about publishing and fandom in general

Because I think it’s important, and it actually has only a limited amount to do with Interlude Press specifically. This is a point that’s far more general, and it’s been bugging me for a while.

Yesterday I listed some of my initial concerns about a fandom-focused publisher, but it wasn’t until I was getting in bed last night that I realized what really troubled me about this whole thing. It’s very small, it’s not the most extreme instance of it that I’ve ever seen, but it’s there and I want to mention it specifically.

In their intro and in their FAQ both, Interlude mentions a particular justification (or rather two related but slightly conflicting justifications) for why they exist:

We believe, deeply, that authors exist in the fan world who deserve a chance to be published. These are authors who might otherwise be ignored by the traditional publishing industry, and who would likely be discouraged from acknowledging their fan fiction roots and receive little marketing support were they ever to sign a contract with a big name publishing house.

Unlike publishers who have recently begun to “recruit” authors of fan fiction, only to discourage them from acknowledging their roots, Interlude Press was developed to honor both the creators of fan works as well as the gift culture they represent.

I just.

Okay, look. One of the things I often have to work especially hard to get my Sociology intro students to understand is that an n of you is not a representative sample of the population, and while your anecdote can serve as a datapoint, it’s by no means one upon which you should lean very heavily. That said: I’ve been active in various fandoms way longer than I’ve been getting paid to tell stories. My fandom identity and my writer identity enjoy a very slim separation, if any at all. I still write fic, and I’m very open about it. I’ve sold five novels, two novellas, and somewhere between 40 and 50 short stories. I’m a member of SFWA at the Active level. I’m very comfortable calling myself a professional writer.

Never in my own experience have I found my fandom affiliations  to be harmful or to block my way, nor has anyone else I know, at least not my knowledge. I’ve heard of publishers “recruiting” from fandom, though I don’t think that word really accurately describes those situations, and as far as I know it still happens rarely enough to be the exception rather than the rule, and if being “ignored” equates to not being “recruited” and that’s the problem at hand, guess what: would that being “recruited” happened to any of us. And there is an increasingly long list of successful authors who write original stuff and are very, very open about where they come from, as well as continuing to be active.

I’m not saying fandom getting in the way doesn’t happen. I’m saying that if it was a common thing, a trend that generally held true, I have to think I would have noticed by now.

This is not the first time I’ve seen a publishing house say something like this, and it’s never good when one does. They may very well be sincere in what they’re saying, but as far as my knowledge goes they’re also sincerely wrong, and this is not the first time I’ve run into this kind of misinformation being slung around regarding what’s involved in actually selling your book. It’s that misinformation that I want to focus on now.

People say “you need the right connections.” They say “you need the right profile.” And people also say that if you’re active in fandom, the mean prejudicial gatekeepers will lock you out, unless you write the next Fifty Shades, in which case come on in, but pretend it wasn’t fic before or something. Interlude is – though their language is not particularly strong – implying this, that the authors they’re working with would be largely unable to sell books elsewhere, despite their talent, because fandom.

People, I have some hard truth for you. If you’re in fandom and you’re shopping around a book, trying to break into the business, and people keep shutting doors on you, it’s not that you don’t have the right connections, it’s not that there’s some super secret publishing code word that you’re missing, and it’s almost certainly not that you’re in fandom. It’s that they don’t want what you’re selling.

I need to emphasize this: There is no big secret to getting published. There is no shadowy cabal of industry gatekeepers locking out the undesirables. If you want to become a professional writer, write good stories and submit them. If you write a great book, fandom will not hold you back. If you write a bad book – or at least, a book that publishers don’t think they can sell – no power in the ‘verse will help you. You also need to be clear on what sector of the industry you’re willing to count as “breaking in”; if you’re content with small presses, there are so damn many options that, if what you have is good, you can often find a publisher relatively quickly (say within a year or so). If you want to get picked up by one of the big NYC houses, guess what: It’s fucking hard for everyone.

You do not need one specific boutique publisher to realize your dream, and if that boutique publisher is suggesting that they’re one of the very few – if not the only – avenues that talented fandom authors have to professional publication, I would be highly skeptical of that claim.

I’m not suggesting that Interlude is lying. I am suggesting that they’re misrepresenting how publishing works. I’m not saying they’re doing that intentionally, but in my opinion that’s what they’re doing.

I realize that at this point it might seem like I’m going on and on about something that really isn’t a big deal, but Interlude represents something that I think we’ll be seeing more and more of, and even where fandom isn’t concerned, I’ve seen these claims floating around, and I don’t like it when authors buy into them, because all too often it results in them getting screwed over, by themselves or someone else or a combination of the two.

If you want to work with a publisher that’s specifically fandom-friendly, it sounds like Interlude might be a great fit for you, so I’d say follow your bliss, man (though I would seriously hold off to see if they’re for real). But if you’re convinced that you’ll never get published elsewhere because of fandom stigma or whatever and therefore have no other good options… Basically don’t think that way because by and large it just ain’t true.

The secret to getting published is to write a good book and submit it. That’s all. It’s not rocket magic. So do it however you want, but do not ever buy into the idea that there’s only one way.

More about Interlude Press: I have some (very preliminary) concerns

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Okay, as promised earlier, here are my general initial concerns about the concept behind Interlude Press. Because yes, I do have some. They’re just mine, and they may be and in fact probably are poorly informed – because, as I said, we just don’t know a whole lot for sure right now – but here they are.

  • If this is – in part – an attempt to de-stigmatize fanfiction in mainstream circles, I’m not sure it will work. I actually think it might be counterproductive. The thing is that, as it seems to me, part of the stigma associated with fic in non-fic circles comes down to the idea that it’s done by people who can’t be bothered to think up their own stuff, who are imaginatively lazy, and when things like Fifty Shades and The Mortal Instruments happen, part of the scoffing from certain circles amounts to well what do you expect, they had to pull-to-publish/be highly derivative because they couldn’t think of anything original. You know and I know that that’s total bullshit, but it’s still floating around, and I perceive a distinct possibility that Interlude – to the degree that anyone outside fandom will know or care about it – will not assist in erasing that misconception. I perceive a distinct possibility that it will only reinforce it. And yeah, okay, why should we give a fuck what ignorant fools think about our sandbox, but if this stigma does bother you, I don’t know that Interlude will do much to help make it go away. What will help de-stigmatize fanfiction? Authors of fully original works who also write fic/cut their teeth on fic being very open about it. That’s why I try to do so.
  • I’m troubled by the idea of exploiting an existing fandom audience. Let’s be clear on something from the get-go: “exploitation” isn’t necessarily a bad or a negative or an evil thing. It’s seeing an opportunity for gain and jumping on it. We all do it, to some degree. Interlude seems to view this as a good platform, and they’re also very explicit about respecting the fandom gift economy. I don’t think they’re evil conniving capitalists or anything. I also recognize that there is probably a large contingent of fic readers who would jump at the chance to financially support their favorite authors, and that’s great. But I also think I have to point out that one of the major components of the anger in the Twilight fandom over Fifty Shades was that James was seen to be making use of a good faith fandom gift economy audience for her own personal gain. I am not saying that that’s what would be happening here, just that I think this has the potential to piss people off and create issues for the publisher, among a lot of other things. I’m sure they’re smart people and they’re aware of that, it’s just something that I see with potential for wank. And I’m also just kind of uncomfortable with it for a number of poorly articulated reasons.
  • Crossover between fandom and non-fandom readers is problematic. Again, I’m sure that there will be a lot of fandom readers who would love to be able to support their authors in this way. But I’m not so sure about non-fandom readers. A while ago, it came out that it at least appeared that a relatively well-known name in M/M romance had essentially filed the serial numbers off their Supernatural AU and published it as original stuff. Now, whether or not you think this was okay, it made a number of readers very vocally angry – they felt cheated and insulted. Additionally, there are certain publishers in M/M romance that have dealt with a fair amount of stigma regarding the amount of reworked fic they publish, to the point where some large review sites simply refuse to touch their stuff. While I may very well not be giving them enough credit, I think there’s a sizable contingent who will be actively turned off by this kind of product. Again, why care what ignorant jerks think? Because if you’re a publisher, especially a new publisher, you need money and you need people to buy your books. I just don’t entirely believe that a publisher can survive on fandom alone, though it would be cool if I was wrong (remember Kindle Worlds? Yeah.). And I don’t see a whole lot of crossover readership happening here, though again, could be totally wrong. Yes, Interlude could establish a track record of truly stellar work and change minds that way, but that would take time, and again, that first year or so is crucial in terms of determining whether or not a publisher will stick around. So this could be trouble in a number of ways for a number of people.
  • Copyright. I’m sure this is a concern on people’s minds besides mine, and I’m sure Interlude is in touch with some good legal council. They’re very clear about avoiding problems here. I’m just… I can see it potentially creating issues. Fifty Shades got away with it, but Fifty Shades was a bit of a different situation in a number of ways, and all it takes is one person/entity who’s enough of a jerk to make it a Thing, especially given that Interlude is a new kid on the block and a little kid to boot, and therefore easy to stomp on and thereby make an example of. I’m not saying that I think this is likely or would be successful if it happened, and again, I’m not suggesting that it hasn’t occurred to Interlude, just that it’s yet another thing that makes me leery of the whole situation.

Those are just a few of the concerns that I can articulate right now – I have more and I might talk about them. I really, really don’t want to come across as hoping that Interlude will fail, because I don’t, though I’ll admit to having a lot of gut-level problems with it. But I’m seeing a lot of rapturous enthusiasm on Tumblr, among other places, and it’s like… Guys, hold off on that. Don’t be down on it, necessarily, but maybe be a tiny bit more cautious, because I think we could be treading into a bit of a minefield. There is so much that we don’t yet know and can’t yet know about how this will all shake out. Regular new publishers run into massive issues, and Interlude is potentially facing an entirely different set in addition to those. I’m not trying to be pessimistic here, just realistic.

And I’ll admit to being a bit worried about what this will mean for fandom as a whole. Which, again: so gut-level that I don’t really want to go there. I don’t want to talk about stuff that I can’t make at least something approaching a rational argument for.

So again, we’ll see what we see this summer.

People in fandom have started a fandom-focused publishing house and I don’t know what to think yet

So today this happened.

Basically, a bunch of fic authors/fans, primarily in the Glee fandom, are starting an LGBTQ-focused publishing house that will draw directly on fanworks for its catalog, at least in part. They say these won’t be serial-numbers-filed-off works but instead fic that has been substantially reworked:

Re-imagined works—some of them iconic classics of fan culture—will not simply be published as fan fiction with the serial numbers filed off, but as titles that their authors have painstakingly reviewed, expanded, re-edited and re-envisioned for publication. In some cases, the authors already had these original characters in mind when they first developed these stories for the fan universe. Others redrafted their novels with new characters while staying thematically true to their original source of inspiration.

My initial gut reaction is “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.” A slightly more coherent version of that would be profound skepticism.

That said, basically I don’t know what I think about this yet. I’m not sure anyone would be well-advised to know what they think about this yet. There are a few reasons why I think this.

  • It’s new. Which means I feel the same skepticism toward it that I would feel toward any new small publisher. The attrition rate for publishers like this in the first year is not negligible, and generally I would hesitate to submit something to any publisher that hadn’t established a solid track record for more than a year. I submitted to Masque when Masque was very new, but Masque is a digital imprint of Prime Books, which has been around for a while and which I trust. Given how new Interlude is, I just don’t think we can know whether or not it will be a good publisher of any kind. This is compounded by the fact that as far as I can tell, there’s nothing definite about who actually is running the thing [edit: my bad, there actually is, though three people seems like… not many], though they say they have “a team of industry professionals [which] brings decades of experience in traditional publishing (from indie presses to “Big Five” publishers), hybrid publishing and self-publishing”. I mean, I know what that means, but I also don’t know what that means.
  • We don’t know what their contract looks like. This is important. We don’t know what rights they want, we don’t know what royalties they propose to pay, what advance they’re offering if any (this is unlikely though not impossible), or any other details regarding what the legal relationship will be between author and publisher. What the contract looks like will determine a huge amount of what I think. I don’t think there’s any reason to assume that the contract will be shitty, to be clear – especially if the credentials of the people at the helm do indeed turn out to be legit – just that contracts have been points of issue for new publishers before and I’m not ready to assume anything either way, nor would I advise anyone else to do so.
  • We don’t know what “re-imagined” actually means. They do give a basic indication, but it’s very, very basic and it’s difficult to know what it will look like absent an actual product. This will also be a major factor in determining what I think.

Their first stuff makes landfall in July, and after that I think we’ll know a lot more. In the meantime, to the extent that anyone cares about my opinion, I would caution my fellow fandom authors against jumping right on board as soon as submissions open, especially given the excitement and wild optimism that stuff like this seems to tend to generate. Most of what’s on the site is still very vague and incomplete, and there just isn’t enough data yet.

Again: In my opinion there’s absolutely no reason to assume that this is a bad deal. But there’s absolutely no reason to assume that it’s not.

Oh, and (edit): as far as the actual cultural implications of this – publishing fanfiction, reworked or not – I’m really not sure what I think about that, except that on a gut level I’m really uncomfortable with it. But that might have to be another post.

Sunday Linkdump: Life is easier when one of us is dead

The Orbital Antares/Cygnus launching at Wallops Island on Sept.18. Photo by husband. Click image for full set.

It’s baaaaaaaaaaack.

  • “The New York Times, if Every Word Was Removed Except ‘Cyber'”. It used to be about sex. Now it’s about war.
  • “Why Today’s Inventors Need to Read More Science Fiction”. Actually, how about why everyone needs to read more science fiction?

    On the deepest levels, your consciousness doesn’t make a distinction between experiences you’ve had and the experiences of characters in stories you’ve heard. This is why fiction is so powerful and why human beings seem to need to tell, collect, and understand stories. Fiction allows you to live more lives in the space-time of one lifetime than you would normally be able to. It allows you to benefit from the outcome of simulations without being exposed to the dangers or time constraints that you would be forced to undergo if you had to live every experience that informs your reality by yourself. In a post-industrial society of tool using primates, like ours, technology is one of the defining factors, and so science fiction, with its tendency to emphasize technology, is a way of running exponentially iterative design processes to conceive and create new technologies.

  • So there was that time when an accident with a B-52 almost threw us into a nuclear conflict by accident and it turns out that “almost” is really goddamn almost.
  • “The Liquid Self”. Ephemeral social media has the potential to liberate us from the more static selves imposed by traditional social media profiles.

    Dominate social media has thus far taken a stand, a radical one in my opinion, for a version of identity that is highly categorized and omnipresent, one that forces an ideal of a singular, stable identity that we will continuously have to confront. It is a philosophy that doesn’t capture the real messiness and fluidity of the self, fails to celebrate growth, and is particularly bad for those most socially-vulnerable. I wonder how we can build social media that doesn’t always intensify our own relationship to ourselves by way of identity boxes. I think temporary social media will provide new ways of understanding the social media profile, one that isn’t comprised of life hacked into frozen, quantifiable pieces but instead something more fluid, changing, and alive.

  • Don’t do these things with professors. Just don’t. Don’t ever.
  • Writing cultures outside your own in SFF. Which can be tricky. So tread carefully.

    [N]ot discouraging you from writing what you want to write (I’d be the last one in a position to do so!); but it’s good to ask yourself why you’re writing what you’re writing; to be aware of the consequences; and to promote writings by people from the actual culture in addition to your own—because they have voices of their own, but more trouble getting heard.

  • “Fuck You. I’m Gen Y, and I Don’t Feel Special or Entitled, Just Poor”.

    You have no idea about student debt, underemployment, life-long renting. “Stop feeling special” is some shitty advice. I don’t feel special or entitled, just poor. The only thing that makes me special is I have more ballooning debt than you.

  • Digital libraries and the sensory experience of particular kinds of space.

    Those nostalgic for books with paper and bindings frequently reference the familiar musty smell of a book, the weight of the text in somatictheir hands, the sound of flipping pages. A traditional library, similarly, has a quite distinct sensory profile. Scents of Freshly vacuumed carpets mix with slowly disintegrating paper and the hushed sounds buzzing fluorescent bulbs. The lightly dusted, thickly bound books align row after row, adorned with laminated white stickers with small black letters and numbers, guiding readers to textual treasures organized by genre, topic, author, and title. These sensory stimuli may evoke calm, excitement, comfort, all of these things together. Indeed, being in a library has a feel. To fear the loss of this somatic experience, this “feel” is a legitimate concern. With a new kind of library, and a new medium for text, a particular sensory experience will, in time, be lost forever.

  • The boundaries between fandom and creators have always been weird and are getting weirder in lots of weird ways that people don’t quite understand and everything is just kind of really weird. And surprise, surprise, some people are being serious goddamn jerks about the weirdness.

    A reader disliking a book or having a problem with aspects of it and saying so in public is not bullying. A columnist talking about the potential pitfalls of authors coming into reader conversations and citing an example is not bullying. Concern for the degree of coziness that some blogs have with the industry is also not bullying. And it’s also not bullying to object to authors participating in discussions of their work when they haven’t been specifically invited to do so.

    It’s also not silencing or attacking and it absolutely is not justification for namecalling on social media. Some of that namecalling has included gendered insults and sexual assault threats. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised by this development and yet I am.

I killed my baby with a bullet, one last shot right into her head
And I’m falling falling falling down